Yesterday, I wrote about a couple of true clichés regarding forgiveness... that unforgiveness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die, and forgiveness is about setting someone free and discovering that the person you set free is you.
Today, I want to think for a moment about forgiveness as a process. By process, I mean that it will occur over time. That likely there will be a beginning to the process, some middle ground with some setbacks, of one step forward and one step back, and it would seem to me probably an end. There are a couple of implications of forgiveness being process. The first is that viewing forgiveness as process will give us some grace for ourselves as we work on forgiveness realizing that forgiveness for us will very often be a work in progress.
So a couple of first steps on the healing journey to forgiveness. First I must absolutely view extending forgiveness as a gift to my soul and an invitation to a full happy and joyful life. If I do not have this vision firmly in place, I am very unlikely to progress in extending forgiveness, because extending forgiveness can be arduous work. I am unlikely to take up this work unless I have a vision of how my life will be better as a forgiving person. Second, having a vision in place, of the benefits of extending forgiveness I will be helped, by recognizing that it will be work. It is likely that my brain is somewhat addicted to patterns of ruminating on the wrongs that have been done. It seems likely that forgiveness is going to involve forming some new neural pathways. This can be done, but it looks like our brains can be lazy and would prefer to keep running on the same circuits. It wil be work like learning a language, exercising, eating healthy...again this is where the vision of forgiveness as a good for me is crucial.
Forgiveness is often a process. We enter the process best by having a vision of better life through extending forgiveness. We are helped in making progress along the way by remembering that forgiveness is a process - it is work - and like all meaningful work - it is worth it.
Today, I want to think for a moment about forgiveness as a process. By process, I mean that it will occur over time. That likely there will be a beginning to the process, some middle ground with some setbacks, of one step forward and one step back, and it would seem to me probably an end. There are a couple of implications of forgiveness being process. The first is that viewing forgiveness as process will give us some grace for ourselves as we work on forgiveness realizing that forgiveness for us will very often be a work in progress.
Viewing forgiveness as a work in progress gives me grace for the work. If, however, I am living with a view that forgiveness should just be something I do once and it is done for good and for all time, than I am likely to feel, (especially if I do not feel particularly forgiving), that I have not done any forgiving at all, or I may simply tell myself that I am not good at forgiving and stop the work all together, or I can mistakenly think that having said the words (either aloud or in my mind) "I forgive ..." that the work is done. Sometimes it may in fact be done, if the offense was fairly slight and the relationship in general is warm, and characterized by forgiveness - it may very well be done. But, my guess would be that more often than not there is still much work to do. In these cases simply saying I forgive, and thinking that we actually have forgiven is a little bit like, saying, "I'm going to learn Spanish," and mistaking saying this for actually learning Spanish.
So a couple of first steps on the healing journey to forgiveness. First I must absolutely view extending forgiveness as a gift to my soul and an invitation to a full happy and joyful life. If I do not have this vision firmly in place, I am very unlikely to progress in extending forgiveness, because extending forgiveness can be arduous work. I am unlikely to take up this work unless I have a vision of how my life will be better as a forgiving person. Second, having a vision in place, of the benefits of extending forgiveness I will be helped, by recognizing that it will be work. It is likely that my brain is somewhat addicted to patterns of ruminating on the wrongs that have been done. It seems likely that forgiveness is going to involve forming some new neural pathways. This can be done, but it looks like our brains can be lazy and would prefer to keep running on the same circuits. It wil be work like learning a language, exercising, eating healthy...again this is where the vision of forgiveness as a good for me is crucial.
Forgiveness is often a process. We enter the process best by having a vision of better life through extending forgiveness. We are helped in making progress along the way by remembering that forgiveness is a process - it is work - and like all meaningful work - it is worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment